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All is going well on the stop eating crap, exercise you lazy woman diet. I have dropped 4 of the 6 pounds I gained while 3M was home and only have seven more to go to reach my goal.

ExericseTV is still one of my favorites and I have been doing it often. I am also going to take a few Pilates classes at the studio I used to go to before 3M and I got married, while I am visitng my parents. LM and I are also going to join a gym for the month we will be up there. I figure the daycare room will be good for him and then exercise will be good for me, as will the break having him in daycare will give me.

I feel better and I am proud that I have stopped procrastinating and started moving again.

3M is also proving to be great motivation. He has finally decided that during his 18 hour work day he is going to stop, no matter what is going on, and get a workout in. If he can find time to workout in 140 degree weather, with his weapon by his side, I suppose I can hit the gym before going to Dunkin Donuts for an Iced Gingerbread Latte.

LM and I are flying to my parent’s on Wednesday.

There are many, many things about that statement that are giving me anxiety, in mass quantities.

1. The last time LM and I flew there was copious amounts of mind-numbingly loud, gawd-awful embarrassing, want to jump out of the emergency exit screaming.Only some of it was coming from me. And, no I am not exaggerating.
2. Our flight is at 0630. What in the hell was I thinking, signing us up for a flight that early.
3. I have no choice but to drive us and all of our stuff to the airport at the butt crack of dawn.
4. Do you have any idea how much stuff I have?
5. I have way too much stuff (little man, suitcase, car seat, wheel attachment thing that makes the car seat a stroller, carry one bag, my sanity) that I need to figure out how to get out of the car, into the airport, through security, onto the plane, off of the plane, through the Atlanta airport, onto another plane, off the plane, and out of the airport.
6. re-read number 5.
7. No seriously, did you re-read number 5.

Hold me…

Amazing Web Discoveries

The other day I was watching TV and saw an advertisement for FREE In-Demand programming through our cable company. I looked at it and saw that there were some Nick Jr. shows and such and was mildly amused at this discovery, but since the LM will not watch TV for more than about 35 seconds at a time it wasn’t something that made my day.

During nap time I returned to the free programming and saw that their was a Health and Wellness Section. I selected it and found that it was a multitude, a plethora really, of exercise videos. How cool is that- free exercise for my stop being a fatty plan. I was quite pleased. Then at the end I saw that the programming also had a website so of course being the big loser that I am I went to the site- Exercise TV- and what did I find there…. Free videos and programs and all kinds of videos that will help me in my quest, I am quite the pleased girl.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Today while LM was napping I was on the computer looking at something totally pointless and I came across an advertisement for Marie Claire’s website. I have no idea what made me go there, I don’t even read Marie Claire, but there I was.

On the site I found the Virtual Makeover.

Warning- do not go to this site unless you have a bunch of time to waste. You can upload your picture onto their site and then try a multitude of hair colors and styles, makeup, etc. Some of them are God-awful, you will laugh so hard your sides will hurt. Some of the do’s are not so bad and even managed to give me an idea of a possible new haircut.

I highly recommend it if you are having a crappy day.

Go ahead, check them out I know you want to…

Operation Fitness 2.0

When 3M first went on deployment I decided I was going to get my butt into gear and lose the extra weight I had gained when I was pregnant and never got around to losing. I was pretty good about it for a while and then I just got lazy. It was so much easier, and far more fun to eat frozen yogurt and goldfish then it was to watch what I was eating and dare I say it- exercise!

I was fairly happy with the way I was looking prior to 3M’s return home but once he got here things went downhill fast. I am pretty sure that we spent the majority of our time eating way, WAY too much yummy and terribly bad for you food. I was sure I had gained back some of the weight. I just didn’t want to get back on the scale to confirm it.

Unlucky for me I didn’t need a scale to confirm it. The night before 3M returned to Iraq we had professional beach portraits done. I was feeling somewhat uneasy about my general appearance but was sure that my choice of clothing would “mask” my sins.

I got the proofs back today.

Holy crap was I wrong!

Wow, I look terrible. I flipped, open-mouthed through these photos, sad that I am way less than thrilled of these precious family photos.

I have been eating crappy foods and not exercising- a far cry from the Phys. Ed. teacher who people used to go to because she was “so healthy, and always eating great and looking good”.

So here we are.. Operation Fitness Version 2.0- this time without the lame-o excuses.

I have decided to start Weight Watchers again and am counting my points accordingly.

I am also doing the Couch to 5K running program and some of my favorites pilates videos.

I am excited.I need to do this for me. I need to take the time to take care of me and be proud of the way that I look.

I have 4 months to lose 12 pounds and the flab, oh the flab…

Not to bore you half-to-death but I will be updating with progress on Monday’s.

I know you are on the edge of your seat waiting for it…

The new countdown

We had an amazingly wonderful two week R&R.

Little man did a great job at the airport of welcoming his Dad home…

We took lots of stupid self-portraits…

3M gave LM his very first haircut. No tears were shed and look at the adorable results….

The Purple Heart Ceremony was perfect and we are so proud of 3M…

Our final ticker is up. We are 129 days away from an amazing homecoming…

Months 6 and 7

So lucky

I finally was able to get the pictures together from little man’s first six months and turn them into a movie. What a journey it has been…

little man the first six months from theteds and Vimeo.

little man the first six months from theteds on Vimeo

List

* UPDATE BELOW *
1. I just got a $126.83 water bill. Perhaps I shouldn’t have set the sprinklers to stay on quite so long. Crap.
2. Little Man had his very first temper tantrum; soon after he graced us with temper tantrums 2-7. Almost all were due to the fact that I will not allow him to sit on our bed unsupervised because it is freakishly tall and he has almost rolled/fallen/stepped/hurled himself off about 87 gazillion times. Such a horrible Mom I am.
3. 3M called today and told me that as we were talking he was standing on the roof of a house in the middle of the city of Fallujah. Ok, really, didn’t need to know that you were standing on the roof of a building in the middle OF.A.WARZONE. Nope didn’t need to hear that one. Thanks for sharing though.
4. 3M leaves Iraq to come home in exactly two weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. 20160 minutes. 1209600 seconds. Not that I am counting or anything. Seriously, it’s okay you can check my math.
5. I desperately need to clean the closets, bathrooms, bedrooms, kitchen, garage, outside, cars, before 3M returns home.
6. I have not shown you pictures of LM in a little bit so here you go.. just a small fix…


Update: Not only did he tell me about the roof he has given me photographic evidence.

For Sale?

When 3M returns from Iraq we will be PCS’ing. Since we found out that we would quickly be departing after his return and we know that the real estate market here is terrible we agreed to put the house up for sale when 3M comes home on leave at the beginning of July. We both talked about this decision and the only concern he and I had was about the price we would be able to sell at because of the terrible market.

Today I began my “get the house ready to sell” cleaning. I took a break from the cleaning so LM and I could go to Gymboree and on the way home I had a mini-meltdown.

I realized that I don’t want to put the house on the market when 3M comes home on leave. I am afraid that the house will sell and if heaven-forbid anything should happen to him I won’t have our home. I won’t have the place where we started our life as husband and wife. The home we painted, tiled, decorated and furnished. The place where we started our family. The place where I cried on the floor when I found out he was leaving. The place where he came home to and told me about his day.

This home is part of our family and I have never been happier in any place. I can’t help but feeling that I need to hold onto it if the unimaginable occurs. I can not bear the thought of not having this house if something happens. Is this rational?

I know that choosing whether or not to put the house up for sale is a huge deal. The market here is slow; houses are sitting for longer periods of time. Yet, I can’t help but feel like if we put it on the market in July it will sell quickly but if we wait it won’t sell for quite sometime. Keeping the house will not kill us; it will significantly lower our spending ability; we could swing it but it definitely is not preferable.

I don’t know what to do. All I do know is that right now the thought of not having our home is really upsetting me.

Do you have any advice, dear Internet?

Originally posted March 30, 2007

On Wednesday I got a call I hoped would never come; 3M had been injured as a result of a Suicide-Vehicle Bourne IED. He is okay and has already been released from the hospital. It is still too fresh to really talk about, I don’t think my thoughts and feelings would be anywhere near logical but suffice it to say I am so incredibly thankful that he and the members of his team were not seriously hurt. There are so many families (too many) of our brave men and women who don’t get to hear from their husbands that something terrible has happened but they are okay, so I feel so fortunate to have been able to hear 3M’s voice and know that things are going to be alright.

Here is the story of the attack from the journalist who was embedded with them. Thank you Bill, for sharing the stories of our brave Marines during this difficult time!

Please keep 3M and his team in your thoughts and prayers.

I am a firm believer that lightning rarely strikes twice.
************************************************************************************
Two Months later….

The 28th marked two months since the morning when I received the phone call from 3M. I haven’t talked or written much about the attack and his injuries because it somehow feels like it never happened if I don’t think about it or talk about it. But it did happen.

3/26/07- 3M told me that he was going on an extended mission and would not be in contact for several days. He assured me what he was doing was “no big deal” but he would not be by the computer or phone for a few days.

3/28/07
At 0920 I put LM down for his nap and heard my cellphone ringing. I ran to get the phone and heard 3M’s voice on the other end. I thought it was strange that he was calling and he didn’t sound right. I immediately panicked and started asking him over and over is he was okay and if something was wrong. There was a lot of noise in the background. 3M told me that he was just fine but something big happened where he is in Iraq and I might see things on the news. He told me not to worry about it because he was fine. He has said that sentence to me several times before so it calmed my fears- a little. He then asked how our LM was, told me he loved me and said he had to go.

I knew something was wrong, something just didn’t sound right. I called my Mom and told her about the “weird phone call” and then googled to find the story he was talking about. It didn’t take long to find out about the attack on the government center. I was sure this was what he was talking about but had the feeling that if something was wrong he would have told me.

LM woke up from his nap and my worries were sidelined by our little boy’s need to eat and play. He and I went about our day until the phone rang again. This time it was another wife from 3M’s team. She was calling to see how I was. How I was??

And then it hit me…

I was right, something had happened. The poor wife told me what she knew since she was the KV who had been told everyone had notified their spouses and referred me to the local Family Resource Officer (a Marine tasked with most things family related including notification of injuries of fellow Marines). He told me what he knew and apologized profusely. Apparently 3M was adamant that no one call his wife, he would take care of it. They didn’t know that he didn’t tell me. I didn’t know what to do.

So there I sat. I didn’t cry. I was mad. Actually, I was furious. How could he keep this from me? Why would he not tell me that he had been hurt? Didn’t he think I wouldn’t find out? Did he not think I was strong enough to handle the truth? I played the scenario over and over in my head. Did I miss something he said? Was he really alright? He sounded alright. What did I miss?

Slowly my anger turned to fear. I realized it was easier to be angry. If I was angry I didn’t have to process how unbelievably terrified I was. Then the tears came.

3M was finally able to call and told me what had happened and explained why he didn’t originally tell me what had occurred. I was never happier to hear his voice and confirm that he was alright.

On the morning of the attack, 3M and 5 of his teammates where sleeping in their temporary room. This place was in the center of town. At 0600 a Suicide vehicle bourne improvised explosive device (SVBIED) was detonated at the front gate of the compound. They awoke to the sound of the explosion and mortar fire. They decided to get up and get dressed, just in case, and that is when it happened. A second SVBIED detonated just feet from their room sending the concrete wall of their room in on them.

The SVBIED contained a chlorine gas. They didn’t have their gear on, they couldn’t see, the gas was so thick. 3M told me later, that he initially followed light to what he thought was the way out. When he got there he realized it was the back of the building where the explosion had occurred. He would have to go back and find another way out. He was worried, he thought maybe something bad would happen or he wouldn’t make it out. Hearing him say that was the hardest thing I have ever heard. My Marine, who makes light of so many things, was scared. I could have lost him.

He found his way out. Actually, he helped two other Marines out of the building and then established cover so that two of his teammates could go back into the building and get his roommate, who did not make it out because of some more serious injuries. After several hours of fighting without shoes and through sickness, 3M was finally medivac’d out to Balad.

When he arrived in Balad he was handed a phone. As they stripped him of his clothes, inserted IV’s, poked and prodded he was on the phone with me. That was the background noise, that was the source of the strange sounds.

Thankfully, he is okay. He spent several days in the hospital, receiving breathing treatments, recovering from his concussion, and healing the avulsion on his foot (from fighting without shoes for several hours). He returned to work and is doing much better.

I was so scared. I kept telling myself that lightning rarely strikes twice. The stupid line I kept telling myself in order to forget how dangerous 3M’s job truly is.

Last Tuesday, 3M went on his first extended mission since his injuries. When he told me my heart hit the floor. Not again.

LM’s birthday kept me busy on the first day and Mom’s return home occupied the second day but my stomach was in knots. There was a Suicide bombing at a Iraqi Police recruitment center in the town where 3M is stationed. Not again, I kept telling myself. Not again.

At 0345 on the third day my phone rang. 3M was safely back inside the wire. He was on scene for the bombing but military was injured. Thank God.

Never in my life did I think that I would be faced with the stone cold reality of 3M’s job. I always knew there was danger but I tried not to think of it. I refer to the attack as “the incident”. I talk about him “being at work”. I live in denial but it is the only way I can continue. I can’t bear to think that I might lose him. I can’t fathom LM not having his Dad teach him how to ride a bike, drive a car, or simply watch him turn into his own little person.

Even after explaining what happened I still can’t accurately put into words how I feel about the attack, his injuries, and how terrified I am that I could lose my husband. No words can describe it, no feelings seem adequate. It just isn’t possible, it just can’t happen.

Until he comes home I will continue to count on my belief that lightning rarely strikes twice.

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